As the moon waxes full I wax poetic. I also become a bit of a philosopher. Our lives wax and wane. They flow with the tide. On Monday I found out my new niece was born, and that my dear cousin lost her grandmother in the night. Two souls passing in the ether.
Death and birth are realities. The rituals of passing out of and into this world are part of our declaration of existence. Our lives wax and wane. Seeing a tiny baby newly born and finding the world in tiny ways, observing a family member preparing to depart and savouring the smallest parts of this world that made their life. This is a part of our story.
Both of my grandmothers passed away rather early in my life, in my opinion. My father’s mother passed away after a terrible car accident when I was ten, and my mother’s mother passed away in her sleep from her battle with cancer when I was 25. Death has been a constant in my growing and maturing years. I attended my first funeral at the age of five where my great grandfather, the grieving widower, just held me on his lap and held my hand. I remember being content to just sit with him in grief. I didn’t understand it, I didn’t know the grief of losing a life partner or even a family dog yet, but I knew he needed someone to sit and just hold his hand.
When my best friend from kindergarten died in a farm accident at the age of seven, I found it easy to visit her family when they asked me over. Her mother found comfort in seeing another little girl be in her home. When they invited me to what would have been her first powwow and gave me a gift of a dream catcher, I knew this was how they were moving forward and grieving.
We have all experienced death and grief in different ways, as we all experience birth and joy in different ways. Sometimes it slowly winds around you and wraps you up, sometimes it jumps on you like a wave of emotions. How we experience these things also tells our story. How we grieve a death, a loss of a partnership, a friendship, a job. How we celebrate a new birth, new opportunity, new relationship or commitment. For me, embracing these passages is a public and private journey.
When my mom’s mother passed away I thought I was fine. I’d experienced death before. I knew the drill. Cry, attend the funeral, read the eulogy, tell stories of their life. I found out there would be no funeral or eulogy. I walked around normal for four days. On new year’s Eve (she passed away on boxing day) I hosted a party and ended up upstairs in a dark room, bawling my eyes out, wondering why I was so upset. I had no normal outlet of routine grief. I had to find out how to let it out, how to feel it, without the usual construct I knew.
Grief is hard. It’s important. And it heals. But it sucks.
I know there will be some grieving to do of my own very soon. A life lived well is a life to celebrate and a life to grieve.
I see the full moon coming, waxing full. I know I welcome it’s light and beauty but also dread the changes and rise it sometimes brings to the tide of life. I embrace it with a hesitant air hug and hope it’s pull doesn’t drag me through the mud.
There is my bit of reflection and nonsense for the week. Crunchy momma shining through here.
Now I get to discuss my zero waste choices of the day and my healthy living choices. Usually on Wednesday we get the kids pizza and McDonald’s because it is crazy town night. Tonight I was going to purchase food from the cafe at our rec center and totally forgot it closes at six! I was so mad at me. I ended up getting Boy#2 nuggets from McDonald’s and Boy#1 subway. Now I’m more mindful of what we do with the waste. Boy#2’s dinner waste was mostly recyclable except for the yogurt tube. Boy#1’s meal I asked for without the bag and all his wrapping was compostable. Next week I bring my A-game and remember to buy from the cafe with my own containers earlier!
Yesterday’s zero waste challenge on the blog I’m using for inspiration was “bulk shopping”. I am finding out how to find what I need in the bulk section first, then if I can’t find it move onto more eco friendly packaging alternatives. Our Bulk Barn in Canada is making the step of allowing consumers to bring their own containers as of February 23. I’m excited to do a bulk shop then! The directions they give are that containers must be clean and free of rust. Containers will be inspected. I buy new lids for my Mason jars when they get too rusty, but I’ve also seen that some peanut butter lids fit Mason jars! And you can purchase plastic reusable lids to avoid the rust issue.
Today on the blog the challenge is “bring your own utensils”. No plastic forks that just bend and snap and you throw out after one use. I just googled “zero waste reusable utensils” and found this cool site: to-goware.com. They sell reusable bamboo utensils that come in a little recycled PET holder. This holder is made from recycled plastic bottles and is durable. One case recycles one plastic bottle! They also sell silicone and stainless steel to go containers that are easy to take with you, and a recycled cotton carrier bag that holds the containers. All for reasonable prices. I may need to purchase some.
Last month my MIL bought Hubs and I these awesome Zulu glass water bottles. I was so excited because I’ve wanted one for a while. Third day out with it and boy#2 bumped it over and it shattered. I messaged the company to tell them about it. They emailed me back, acknowledging that glass DOES sometimes shatter, but that they would like to send me a new bottle since I took the time to contact them. Today it arrived! My other one was black, which was totally cool, because my MIL was having a hard time finding ANY, let alone a specific colour, but not my absolute favourite. I have a little vendetta against black as a hairstylist. I had to wear it every day for nine years. I got sick of it. Guys, they sent me a neon pink one! It is seriously pretty. And my seven year old is now thinking twice about stealing it from me😉.
zuluathletic.com is the bomb. They sent me the water bottle in some pretty great low packaging options too.
I will definitely give them business again.
Today for food:
My food diary says I was just over my limit in calories. I am heading out for a quick run and then off to bed. Calling pest control in the morning for our mouse problem. Yeesh these mice.