OOOOH!! Got your attention didn’t I!!!? Ha! Pervert. Well, so am I, so there. After my last post I thought I better step it up. Just kidding! No, actually I was at Bible Study yesterday and the topic was Sensuality. It brought up a lot of discussion and was quite good.
So far I’ve written about marriage, mental illness, struggles with food, excess, self-discipline and being overwhelmed, why not talk about sex? Mostly because I worry it may be too much for hubs to take. I share a lot already! I am going to make a declaration right now: anything I write here is my own thought or opinion, and my husband is awesome.
Sex. Love making. Getting down and dirty. Scratching the itch. Intimacy, whatever you call it; it’s fun, messy, scary, wonderful, and everywhere (like EVERYWHERE! Billboards, T.V. internet, pinterest). Sex can also lead to a lot of confusion, disillusionment, and frustration in a relationship. It definitely has in mine.
Growing up saving sex until marriage I got a bit hung up on it. In my mind getting married meant I got to have sex whenever I wanted! WAHOO! I read tantra, I read Kamasuthra, I read books about every sex position and issue. I was prepared, until I wasn’t. Then I was in a relationship where it wasn’t textbook. Say what you will, we all bring our own life and family experiences into marriage, and bed. My life experience, and everything I read and watched, told me that in marriage men always want it and women rarely do. HA!! Well that pack of lies is what I believed. This left no room for my own sensuality, nor for my hub’s. Now I know better. Sometimes I run hot, sometimes I run cold. Same goes for him.
This supposition of mine as a young woman also left me thinking that it was the man who always initiated and pursued sex. I will be the first to admit that I have no idea how to initiate or really pursue. I always thought if I put on some lingerie and makeup, shaved my legs and brushed my teeth, he’d just jump me. Nope. Sometimes it takes more pursuit, and I am lazy. Pursuing is hard work. I suck at it.
Sex is confusing. Trying to navigate each other’s libido, stamina, interest. Feeling sexy when they don’t, feeling completely un-sexy when they are turned on. I have only ever had one partner to figure out, so maybe I’m lucky, or naive, or inexperienced, but even in the almost 11 years of our marriage, I still often feel lost or unsure.
These are many of the things we discussed in Bible Study, along with the fact that embracing our sensuality means embracing our senses. Letting our skin be exposed to the earth, sky, wind and water is important to our growth and rooting as human beings. I love this kind of thing, some of my study companions are not so into it. I’m crunchy, I embrace it. I talked about feeling rooted in the energy of the earth, and then I brought up the vibrator you can buy that syncs with your phone so it vibrates with your music. I think I freaked most of them out. I’m a bit out there.
Sex. Messy, check. Complicated, check. Fantastic, check. I love sex. It’s awesome. Especially with a person who loves you and knows you and who you can tell “more to the left” without feeling awkward.
Our sex life has been a bit hit or miss since kids, and since getting a family bed…HA! That can get difficult in itself. When you do have an opportunity to get it on you are too tired, or too touched out, or a child comes and says “I have to pee”. Setting aside time for intimacy after kids is tough work. It takes forethought. Forethought that I don’t always have the energy to give! Often we just pass like ships in the night, and only after months of not realizing I’m missing him do I make an effort to find time. Life sometimes steals our joy and our sex. Let’s take it back shall we?
I went out and bought lingerie this week, put it on last night, nothing. Well, fail. Back on the horse, try again later. I need to stop giving up so easy, being more clear with my intentions, give myself, and him, a chance. A chance to let our marriage shape up in our intimacy department and be vulnerable in many more places. Intimacy is more than just sex, it’s time, breath, open communication, and space, those moments of space for feeling.
That’s enough about sex. It’s two a.m. and I’m bushed. Before I go I must share the “Waste Not Want Not” part. My zero waste update. Today I went shopping, tried to find packageless options, and forgot my containers again. Remembered my bags though! I started working on family cloth and face sponges today, as well as getting our new bidet ordered! (Thank you Stewart!)
Bulk Barn starts allowing containers in every store in Canada on the 23rd, so I am looking forward to making new bags for that and bringing them with my jars!
Here are some pics of the cloth for the family cloth:
Waste Not Want Not; works for cloth, food, time, and sex. Well, that’s it, that’s all. Goodnight lovelies! Let me know your thoughts about the blog in the comments and like this post for me.