Eleven years ago I married a guy. Eleven years later I now realize I had no idea what that really meant. I thought it meant life was set. I found Prince Charming, we’d be in love all our lives, have children, raise them, live happily ever after. HA!!! I was so young, so naive and so very idealistic. Not once did I really consider the selflessness, hard work and determination it takes to make and keep a marriage. Now, after eleven years, I am finally learning that any relationship takes love, time and work, but a marriage also takes study, selfless service, communication and humility.
Eleven years has brought so much our way. We have learned how to rally, how to fight, how not to fight, when to be soft, when to stand firm and when to ask for help. We have bought a house, sold a house, moved eight times, had two wonderful children together, supported each other through job changes, re-education, mental illness, physical illness, loss, and crisis of faith. We have dealt with miscommunication, deception, temptation, distracted living, bankruptcy, being on the brink of separation and divorce multiple times and fights that have left us both wondering why we are here. Our friends and family have supported us through it all, they have given us the strength and perception to make choices needed to be made. We have continued to choose each other. To choose the work of marriage. It’s hard. It’s important, and each time we choose us again I feel we have “leveled up” in our marriage game. (Can you tell I married a video game geek?)
Through our eleven years he has learned to live with many things: my bad habit of not checking in about where I am, my crunchy hippie ways (read family cloth, composting and openly breastfeeding our children), my lack of fear of basically anything, my choosing to volunteer my time liberally without always discussing it first, my eccentricities (they number in the thousands), and my proclivity for moving things around the house without explanation and then being exasperated when no one knows where they are. I have learned to live with his eccentricities, his love of video games, his need to know where I am (I’m learning to check in more), his fear of most “non-dangerous” (in my opinion) things, his love of eating pizza for as many meals as possible;)
Marriage is more than a wedding, it’s more than two people loving each other, it’s more than combined incomes and debt, more than a piece of paper and a “simple” vow. Marriage is a home you build piece by piece, brick by brick, sometimes the foundation is faulty, you have to shore it up, or dig it all away and feel as though you start from nothing but a big hole. Marriage is a growing, changing development. Some days you wake up realizing it has morphed into some place you don’t recognize, and you have to shake yourself and decide whether you want to stay there in it’s present state, renovate, or move.
Mine has been renovated several times now, intentionally and out of necessity. We have brought in “contractors” to help renovate and rebuild our “home” with a stronger foundation. They have equipped us with better tools, new techniques and knowledge. We also have some wonderful help with maintenance. Friends have given us manuals, advice, help with plastering, roofing and cleaning the windows. Marriages take more than the two people in them to survive and thrive. We have had a crew similar to that in “Extreme Home Makeover” to secure ours.
This year we took a weekend to celebrate a Marriage we have worked very hard at this year. The Hubs mum watched the boys this weekend and we just stayed home and took a stay-cation. It was a wonderful gift.
We had a fantastic weekend with beautiful weather and wonderful friends. Finished off with some quality kiddo time. This is the gift. I am in love with my home.
Now to update on my efforts in pursuing health and wellness. Gardening: nope. I watered my tomato plant and my herbs yesterday! yay! (Heavy sarcasm)
I have been sticking to my plan, not too loosely, for the Good Food Real Results. This week is my first without the pre-planned meal plan. I just need to make sure I measure my portions. Here are a few photos of what I’ve been enjoying on the plan so far:
I have been indulging in the odd snack and drink, but I’ve felt so much better this month.
Anyway, I’m off to bed. Napped today and it threw off my entire sleep pattern, it’s 4:18. Stupid nap!