Well well well. Here we go. Ever felt like life has rushed past your door, your window and is fully on the next block before you can take a breath and notice it? That is my Summer. Every year I say I will slow it down. Every year it speeds up. Every year I swear I will plan less and play more, every year I plan more and more and play less and less. Every year I promise all of my friends, their kids, myself, and my kids that we will have numerous play dates, BBQ’s and swimming adventures. Every year we miss at least 90% of the opportunities. Each year we hit September and I realize Summer is gone. I have to take a minute to recall where it went. It went on the wind, to camps, and beach days, to work and rest, to parties and roadtrips. It slipped into the nooks of bedtimes and late rises; it weaved into haircuts, photographs and paintings. Summer slid into our dreams and late night reading, our movie nights and music. It weaved a sweet lulla-bye of long nights and sun-soaked mornings, lulling us into a sense of everlasting Summer that is as solid as a soft ice cream cone on a July afternoon. It ends with a cool breeze and a school bell ringing loudly in our ears. Bam. Summer over.
Now, don’t get me wrong, my summer is ever wonderfully full in the best ways, I don’t resent it. It is the problem of it disappearing without a moment’s notice, that I resent. I resent not being able to hold my children tighter, for longer, as they are small. Each Summer that slips past me is one Summer closer to them being gone. Each September brings another grade closer to graduation, to growing up. My Summers with my boys are priceless, they are my full days of knowing them, of seeing them, of being with them for more than the morning rush and evening wind down, the times I can fully experience them. I long to keep them home all year, alas I am not financially able at this time.
Nights like tonight, when I have soothed tears, disciplined behaviours, exasperatedly berated them for poor choices and mean words, and then kissed them on the head and smoothed the ruffled feathers of the day. I smell their hair, and squeeze them tight, knowing that even though these days are hard and long, they pass too quickly and will soon only be wisps of memory. I hope my efforts have helped form the future men my children will be for the better and not the worse. I reflect back on each word, phrase, attitude and tone of voice I used, trying to search out any bits that were wrong, insensitive or damaging. I seek my own memory bank for the gems of the day I want to keep forever. I breathe out the bad stuff I collected. My frustrations, out. My angst, out. My shame, out. My guilt, out. I breathe in the good. My kid’s laugh, in. My excitement over the next steps in life, in. Peace, in. Love, in. Kindness, in. then I go to bed and let it all marinate.
Part of my goals for this Summer were to go to bed on time, not snack at night, read more and visit a National park. I’m accomplishing everything except the park. I will be up North for September, so hope to do the park then if not before.
So far I have read three books: “To Kill a Mockingbird”, “One Day We’ll All Be Dead And None Of This Will Matter”, and I just finished “The Night Stages”. All amazing books that are completely different. I am loving this journey! I have missed reading.
I have also been trying to get to the gym three days a week, only accomplished two last week, haven’t gone yet this week due to a stupid sinus infection, and because it is Celtic week in Goderich, if you live here you know the significance of that. My kids are LOVING the kids Celtic Day Camp, and I’m dreaming of how one day I will be able to attend the adult college. There are some amazing free concerts on the Square every weeknight and so far I have seen zero, partially because I am a mother, and partially due to this damn sinus infection making me feel like CRAP. I hate my weak breathing apparatuses.
I have missed writing, I like it. September’s challenge is to write every day and to cook one Harry Potter recipe a day to lead up to the fantastic Wizarding festival coming to out area in October! So You’ll hear and see more from me then.
Enjoy your Summer. It will slip out the window if you don’t watch it carefully, well, even if you do I guess. That’s the kicker right there.