Category Archives: Uncategorized

I was Going to go Buy Bread

But instead I sat down here, ate a chocolate bar and opened my computer. Then I watched a remarkable movie and didn’t write a thing. Now it is 11:49 p.m. and I have heart burn.
Yesterday I returned home form the Wild Women’s Weekend with my aunts and cousin and ripped my living rooms apart. They are in the process of being re-assembled (Thank you to my tired husband, and very kind friend Gael. She has a PHD and is extremely good at moving things over and over again, who knew!)  My piano is now in the room I shall dub “the parlour” and our television has been relocated to the rec room/playroom to be less of a distraction hopefully. It’s still here, but not the main focus. Now to rearrange and distribute. I was quite set on selling a shelf today, I did sell it, and now I am having second thoughts. Damn my second thoughts. They get me into trouble. It’s mostly because it fits now, but also because so many people wanted to buy it that it has obtained more value somehow. Ludicrous, I know.
The hard choices. I hate them. I hate purging, and I hate leaving for the gym, but I love the results. All things worth while are worth working for. I’m still allowed to complain about the process right?  I was going to do more rearranging tonight but I sat, and did nothing except enjoy a quite brilliant film. So, not nothing, something, just not an extremely productive thing.

Squirrel!! I just left to go pee and moved two pieces of furniture unsuccessfully. I have this beautiful green chaise that I like to use for waxing clients, but it is an awkward kind of shape and size, it is not finding a home here yet. It must. I will have it homed! There is also a large marble run that Hubs built for Boy#2 for his birthday. It is GIANT! No good place!

Now my brain is spinning with plans but I’m also tired and overwhelmed. My bed calls, and unproductivity looms large yet welcoming in my near future. Count it all joy. Tomorrow is a new day. It will all come out in the wash. Ta ta!

Cheers

Court

Advertisements

Wild Women Get Away

There’s something about hiking. I love hiking. My body carrying me over and around obstacles, sometimes my brain helping me, sometimes able to watch the scenery.

This time away with my mom and aunts, as well as my cousin, has been so special. These women are funny, smart, sincere, and feirce in the besst way! I wish my grandmother was here. My mom told three new stories about her that we’re hilarious. I love being up here on the Penn. It makes me feel so close to her. She would love this weekend.

Here are some beautiful pics from the day:

So, I watched 11 miles on total today, according to my Fitbit.

Bed is calling.

Happy weekend!

Cheers
 Court

You Can’t Always Get What You Waaant

“But if you try sometimes, you find, you get what you need. ” Thank you Rolling Stones for putting to music my parenting theme for the week. At least, this is the message I’m trying to get across. Except it seems to more often actually go “you mo-o-o-o-stly get what you wa-a-a-ant, you mo-o-o-o-stly get when you wi-i-i-ne. And if you cry sometimes, you just might find, you get more than you’ll ever need. Because your mother is a push over” I hate giving in to my kids wining. But I hate it more when they cry and are sad because of a choice or a rule I’ve made. Sometimes these choices are made in love, out of protection, or out of frustration, but mostly out of trying to keep them safe and raise them to not be self entitled jerks.

Thursday night our dinner time train went off the rails. This time it was a Channel Twelve, News @6 worthy train wreck. Boy#1 has started gymnastics again (which he loves, I love, we all love) he has also had a very busy and full week. He has heard that the gymnastics place is hosting their freedom Friday for kids tomorrow (now today/yesterday depending on when you read this). He has asked his father if he may go. Father replies, “I think so, if mom says yes and it’s not a bad price.” Boy#1 takes that to mean “why, of course” as any self respecting eight year old would. When I inform him at dinner that this may not be possible due to money being needed elsewhere, he tries to take it well, but becomes very upset. We talk about why, and how our money has been spent on the book fair instead, a book fair he asked for more money for three times. We explained that sometimes what we want to do doesn’t always work out. He cries more. He tries to self regulate, but is too tired and overstimulated now.  Boy#2 decides now is a great time to announce he will not eat supper because it’s yucky. I reply that he can try one bite of each thing and have an apple, or he can go straight to bed. He chooses bed. At 6pm. Boy #1 is still upset. Boy#2 is now realizing the fate he has chosen. Boy#2 becomes upset also.  Now we are all becoming upset. I rant about how much we have given them, about why the money is needed elsewhere, about the importance of food that is healthy and about how I don’t cook just to be cried at. Then I take deep breaths with Boy#1 as he cries. Then our paternal grandmother appears and is understandably concerned about why our children are so upset. Mother tries to explain. Paternal grandmother offers Boy#1 the new lunch bag she found for him as a method of comfort. PG and I converse about me going away for the weekend with MG. Boy#1, without missing a beat, calls me out on spending money so I can go away, but not spending money for him to go to freedom Friday. PG takes her cue to jump in her car and speedily withdraw before more tears flow faster and faster. We do deep breaths again. I explain that mommy’s trip is paid for already and money was set aside. Freedom Friday is last minute.  Boy#1 heads to bed. Boy#2 is in bed. Both are sad but repentent. I message gymnastics coach and find a way to make it all happen. Friday morning mom saves the day. But also loses the war. 

In the end we found a solution. I really want these kids to get everything they love, especially a night out to climb and jump and move within safe spaces to do so. I want the best for them, who doesn’t want that for their kids? But in the true end, am I failing them by inevitably giving them what they want when I’ve said it can’t happen? I don’t know.  

I do know, I can’t always get what I want. But if I try sometimes, I might find I get what I need. 

Thank you Goderich Gymnastics for providing a safe and fun place for my kids, a place they love so much they cry over not going.

Thank you PG for a lunch pail and a timely exit, and thank you MG for the fun getaway for girls.

These two cute clowns steal my heart every time.

Thank you hubs for making this getaway possible.

 

Well, I’m off to continue enjoying my Wild Women’s weekend by first getting some shut-eye. Tune in tomorrow for all the great details!

Cheers!

Court

Free Indeed/I Don’t Usually Do Mornings

I’m NOT writing this before I go to bed at an un-godly hour of the morning, I am writing it after I woke up at a slightly less un-Godly time. This is us before 8a.m.

Yesterday, as you read in my blog posted Tuesday night, was our craziest day of the week. It involved not eating supper until directly before my kids went to bed at 9! Hubs headed out for some well deserved, and needed, time for himself. I put kids to bed solo, which resulted in me also being asleep at 9. That explains the lack of blog last night.  And why I’m not super grouchy about having woke up before 7 (Which is not a normal occurrence.)
Yesterday was crazy but good. Full days can be exhausting yet rewarding.  Returning to our fall schedule is always a bit of a wake up call. For some reason all of our activities are put on Wednesdays. I try to re-arrange that each year, but it just never seems to work.
One of the things I do on Wednesdays that I was very happy to see back yesterday was the Mom ministry I attend at Trinity church here in town. It began as the usual coffee time and Bible study/uplifting conversation women’s group that many Christian Reform churches in this area hold. Last year the numbers of young mothers had exploded and some of the younger ladies brought in a new program called MOPS. Mothers of Preschoolers is an international ministry to mothers all over the world. This year the theme of the program is Free Indeed. I’m pretty excited for this new study and the time for reflection and self care, drawing closer to God and growing relationships with other moms.

The mom’s organizing this group have truly put their hearts into this ministry and blessing fellow moms.

Yesterday was also our school open house where we were able to see the classrooms and meet the teachers our boys see every day, the people who they develop a relationship with over this next year. Our school is pretty great. It took me a few years to get comfortable here, just as it takes kids a bit to warm up in a new environment. At first I felt that since it was not permissible for me to volunteer the way I expected to, and I was not able to be involved in my child’s education the way my mother was, that the school wanted nothing to do with me. As I’ve gotten older as a parent, and more well acquainted with the school and school system, I have found the ways to be part of my boy’s education and school community that work for me and within the school system. It’s been a bit of a journey finding my space. Volunteering on parent council has helped me become well acquainted with the school building, body, and community, as well as with the faculty. It has allowed me to learn about the school, the guidelines put forth by the school board and which structures are in place for our school. I’ve been enjoying my time volunteering with other parents popping popcorn, on school trips, helping with the fundraising efforts, and occasionally being invited to assist in special activities by a teacher. This time volunteering has also allowed the school community get to know me. We sometimes forget that just as foreign and new the school environment may be to us as new school parents, we are also a new, strange commodity that the school faculty and community needs to learn about. My journey to learning more about my son’s education and the place they learn is always changing and surprising me. I enjoy learning new things about the school and the curriculum. As a homeschooled kid I held some bias against the school system coming in to this time of life, and I still do sometimes. Informing myself, and connecting with the community around me, have definitely educated me and made me less biased. I know there are always tomes to push in and ask more questions, push for better, but I am also finding the joy in the beautiful things that happen in our schools every day. Our teachers and staff are amazing people, and the students I see at our school teach me more and more each time I see them. In short, I feel I’m learning just as much as a parent right now a my children are as students.

Anyway, I have to go on with my day. So I’ll just leave this here.

Cheers!

Court

The Last Minute Mom

I have written about my recurring late arrival problem, and; I think, about my lack of organization. I don’t know if I’ve told you this little gem: I am a CHRONIC procrastinator!!! I am that person who keeps saying “Oh, there’s TONNES of time!” Until it’s today and sign-up closed last week and my kid is crying so I become THAT parent and e-mail/call/text and BEG for my child to be included.
I am THAT mom who commits to a project or an event and totally plans something, but does not actually DO anything until the night before. I am THAT mom who is up at 3a.m. Christmas eve wrapping that one last gift I had the epiphany about that afternoon. I seriously was THAT mom running through Wal-Mart last December the 23rd at 9:55 p.m. promising the door greeter I knew exactly what I was getting. I did, I made it out by 9:59.
I usually make it, I usually squeak by and it works. My brilliance hits at one minute to midnight and suddenly inspiration has taken over my body with it’s fave sidekick: adrenaline. I’m wired and focused. On the task, going for gusto. It usually works and works brilliantly, but it’s always lacking a bit of something, that something that a well organized and well executed plans have. Call it Cohesion, or maybe consistency, a nice steady rhythm. My efforts usually lead to a more frenetic energy the day of the event or project due date, a kind of coagulated chaos that has adhesion but not the most steady flow.  I think I like the rush, and I need the deadline, but I also hate it because it is stressful and awful, as well as exhilarating and satisfying, to pull something amazing off at the last minute. I am The Last Minute Mom.

Tonight I did something crazy, I put myself out there to be voted in as vice-chair of our parent council. I don’t usually try to accept positions with a lot of responsibility because I don’t always trust myself to fulfill it. Tonight I knew it was time. Adulting is hard. (insert whiney eight year old voice, #firstworldproblems, I know)  I am terrified of messing up and letting people down. Of not helping enough, changing enough, just talking out of my butt, or bringing ideas to the table and never following through. These are all things I do, and have done frequently at these council meetings.  I want to help lead and organize this council, a group that is very dear to me. I am also terrified. I was terrified of the council itself the first two years my son attended school. Seeing it written up in the newsletter, thinking it was only for people who knew what they were doing, or parents on boards and elected by the school board. Then my friend invited me to come out and told me it was for all parents and guardians, as well as community members who want to invest in our school. I never knew. I sat and watched the first meeting, then grew more and more comfortable and vocal, last year I asked to be on the list of members at large/recruiter of new parents. This year I have jumped in feet first, maybe taking on a bit more than I think I can do. I do think I’ll rise to my own challenge. I’ll take my own gauntlet up and exceed my own expectations. This whole life is about beating myself, doing better than I have before, reaching farther and pressing harder, but also accepting myself when I fail. I’m not so great at that part. That part takes a lot of humility and grace.

Today in pictures:

I went to the gym today!! I ate relatively healthy, read, drank water and even showered! Also the only screens were my phone briefly when I had breaks, and this. Felling ok about that. Boys started music lessons today, gymnastics tomorrow, Kid’s Together (Bible night at church) tomorrow, and swimming next week. We shopped at the book fair and I spent way too much money on things that were not books. I ate lunch at my mom’s and dinner alone with my husband. Visited with my best friend from hairschool, and cut a bunch of hair. A pretty great, eventful and fulfilling day.
Wish me luck tomorrow. My Schedule:
* 9:00 – haircut
*9:30 – MOPS
*12:00-2:00 hair cuts
*2:00-3:00 Gym
*3:20 bus pick up
* 5:00 haircut
*5:25 open house at school
*6:15 gymnastics for Boy#1
*6:30 kid’s together for Boy#2 and choir practice for me
*7:15 Boy#2 to Kid’s together
*8:00 pick me up from group.
*8:30 cue snoring

YIKES!! What have I done! Pray, pray for me, and for my dear Hubs, that he doesn’t murder me XP

Cheers!

Court

Sunday, the Day of (Lots of) Rest

You may have noticed, I did not write my blog yesterday. I fell soundly asleep at 8:45 (before the four year old) and did not wake until 7:00 a.m. this morning. That is how my late blogging nights catch up to me and bite my bum. I am now rested and ready to write again.
Yesterday was a day of feeling overwhelmed by how much needed done, and wanting to just rest with my family. I tried to do both. I think I accomplished a fair amount of each, as well as some self acceptance.
This is what was overwhelming me:

Four piles of laundry, clean and dirty each, summer clothes to be sorted into too big and too small, winter clothes still needing brought up and sorted, dirty kitchen, dirty bathroom, messy living room in disarray from removing the tv and all electronic screen devices, dirty walls and window sills and TOO MUCH STUFF! I become overwhelmed just having it all, and by the prospect of having to sort it. I was stressing out, feeling exhausted, and fighting a cold. All I wanted to do was sleep, but I knew Sunday was my ONLY day to do any of this until next Monday.  I pulled up my big girl panties and went to work, until two sweet boys walked in and flopped on the bed trying to play and casting my neatly folded piles all over the room. I felt annoyed, I felt underappreciated, and then I felt guilty.  I told them I needed space, I may have lightly growled. Boy#1 went for a bike ride, Boy#2 promptly broke down in tears over no screens and his father enslaving the television as his computer monitor for the week.  I finished one pile of laundry, and took a break to console and engage our wee drama king. We played trains and read a book and then, when big brother came back, they played “Nintendo world” outside as the characters, and then built a fort behind my now un-purposed TV dresser.

I felt calmer. I finished up some laundry and we escaped the house to the Library, Butterfly park, and Grocery shopping. Where my overwhelmed state slipped away into calm (well, not at the store, there was some yelling and glaring at small heads during that episode) The park was so beautiful and I found myself staring out past the horizon of the lake and doing as I did as a child, trying to see the unsee-able land across the lake. Imagining the clouds to be land or that they are hiding land and ships. I felt so calm and serene.

After the adventure that is always grocery shopping, we headed home for dinner and bed. Apparently pork dumplings make me very tired, because I fell asleep directly and did not return to consciousness until this morning when two animated children woke me joyfully with the sun. They spoke of how they needed to improve on their secret hideout and what else they wanted to do today. Taking away screens for a week is creating a happier space when we are not suffering withdrawal symptoms or tired tantrums.
After sending both boys on the bus (sigh, still) I ran home to shower and head out for supplies in London. My friend accompanied me, as The Hubs is still recovering from a terrible man cold, and we had a wonderful time. Well, I did. He may say differently after having to stand in Cosmoprof for almost an hour. He was a good sport and was very helpful. I was able to procure enough supplies to last (I hope) about 100 heads. I also procured a new blow-dryer which I am beyond excited to try out. Lots of bright colours and some new products were purchased also. Hint, hint hint: I’m now broke and you should book some hair for late September:)
On the way home we stopped at this beautiful little shop in Lucan:  Bella Casa  It is a fabulous spot to find chalk paint and eclectic eccentricities. Like this gem that you should go purchase for me and then procure a dolly and truck to move:
IMG_20170911_143240
Jokes, Jokes. seriously though, if you bring this to me I will swoon and die happy. Absolutely perfect for a sweet little barber shop or hair van! (Although I’d reach towing capacity on my chevvy just with it alone I’m sure. These babies are HEAVY! Quality stuff man)
After a fabulous day I came home, cut some hair, hung with some sweet boy-ohs, then made dinner. NEWS FLASH!!!! BOY#2 LIKES PORKCHOPS!!!! Hallelujah and thank you Uncle Allan!! He ate his entire chop tonight!
After dinner it was time for bed. This is where our day slides of the rails often. And tonight was a doozy of a derailing. Boy#1 is testing waters a lot lately (every year at the transitions he feels the need to re-establish boundaries) these testing moments tend to present most strong when bedtime is too late. We were half an hour late tonight and it showed majorly. It was very trying and my heart breaks to see him pushing so hard, and knowing that I need to respond with love but firmness. All I want to do is wrap him up and give him everything to make him happy, but I know that what he NEEDS is the solid boundary and the knowledge that he is still loved no matter how he behaves. I also know some behaviour needs to change. Discipline is exhausting, self discipline and re-enforcing it in our home. Tonight’s derailment ended finally at 9:00, firmly re-railed and chugging off to dream land. Now to stick to our guns and keep loving on him through this testing phase.
I was just discussing this with my friend today, how Boy#1 is so curious and has such a scientific mind. His curiosity must be fulfilled, even if it hurts him. This curiosity can be such a wonderful trait and tool, but sometimes it can land him in so much trouble. Today it was testing parental boundaries and love, but also involved green food dye earlier in the day.  I found said dye on him, in my kettle and in my coffee mugs. Last night was “dough” made out of cornmeal, sugar and water, all over my entry shelf. Just because he needed to know how if he needed an egg for every dough. Satiating his curiosity can be exhausting too! But man I love him to bits!
Day one and two of screen fast have gone well, hopefully tomorrow goes well too. I’m off to dreamland myself.

Cheers!

Court

Weekends and Sh*t

I know, the title sucks. That is how tired and wiped out I am after this week. And after watching “A Dog’s Purpose” my brain has turned to mush from all the crying. Spoiler: The dog dies, over and over again, but you are ok with it and sad all at once!!!! I felt like a monster and an emotional wreck all at once. But it was so cute!
Today was a beautiful day for photoshoots, market, gardening club, outdoor playdates and fun! I love my theater people, and my kids, and my hubs, and my friends. It was fabulous to get to doll up my people.
Doing what you love is fun, it can be exhausting, but also so rewarding. I love working on amazing faces and heads of hair on beautiful people.

This week we embark on a media fast. I am still blogging and checking facebook, but not every ten minutes and no t.v. We need a media break. I stay up too late watching TV pretending to write my blog. My kids don’t want to leave the house or do anything. Our lives revolve around screens and food. I want a healthier life, a more purposeful one. Maybe when my kids wake me up at 7 instead of watching tv for four hours I will cuss, but maybe I will snuggle and read to them. Or maybe I’ll give in and plug in the telvision. Hopefully not.

Wish me luck!!!

cheers!

Court

P.S.
Sorry for the awkwardness and the broken thoughts. My brain is super tired and not making sense. I will be on point tomorrow!